I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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