Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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