it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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