just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
