i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
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Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"