Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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