A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
babies were throwing up all over the place
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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