I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
