I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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