I think I won the penis lottery.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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