Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
