looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
