I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I AM VODKA MAN
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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