D3 body, D1 cock
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
it was like eating out sand paper
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
