Fuck appropriateness.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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