thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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