bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
