i think my tv is drunk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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