Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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