It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize