phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
