a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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