Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
