it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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