Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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