I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
