I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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