My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
