I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
