I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
