is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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