Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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