yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
