im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
