it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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