everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
