You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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