I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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