ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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