What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
