So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
