Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
