she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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