I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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