you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize