The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
