did you get engaged???
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
