i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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