my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
