this beer tastes like vomit already
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
