She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
