# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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