Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
