My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
