I hate your face
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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