Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
