It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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