So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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