We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
