They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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