Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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