My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
