peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
