She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
