Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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