I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
