My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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