There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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