Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
