yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
