Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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